Tuesday, April 14, 2009

16-year old with 23-year old?

Friend is in long-term relationship with 23-year old man and the girl is 16. As her friend, I feel that I should be concerned. I wonder if I should tell somebody, since this situation is creepy, at the least. But this is a special situation, which makes me confused. (Usually, I'd talk to her in a heartbeat).

Before answering, please note the following:
-The man had a few girlfriends before and he treated them all with respect. The last one told him after six months together that she wasn't ready for sex, and he said okay, no questions asked. They were together for three years after that and he never asked her again, not even once. They broke up but are still friends, and they never had sex b/c she was never ready and he never pressured her.
-This man respects my friend a lot. He treats her well and treasures her. He takes care of her and looks out for her in a way.
-Her parents have met him and have had lunch with him and/or his parents on many occasions. Their parents adore each other's company.
-Her parents approve of him. Her parents are very strict but this guy was seemingly perfect so they made an exception for him, and nobody else.
-His parents are also strict but made an exception for my friend.
-My friend wants to save sex for after marriage, and once after a long discussion with the guy about her values, she mentioned, I also believe in sex after marriage. I'm waiting for afterwards. His answer? Oh, really? That's cool. You'll gain a lot of respect that way.
-They've never been happier with anyone else.
-The guy went to an Ivy League school, and is thinking about grad school to go and get a PhD
-He makes her laugh harder and longer than anyone else could even dream of (she makes him laugh too)
-For the age gap, they actually have a lot in common. They share the same values and morals. They like the same music, movies, they both play tennis and play together a lot. They both like to travel (they backpacked across Italy together over the summer).
-Their relationship is less sexy or flirty and is more of best friends, but with a spark.
-She's very mature for her age and supplies the long term relationship for him. He's not necessarily IMMATURE, but fun and lively and kid at heart, so they have fun together and laugh together.
-he's had a few girlfriends, some his age, some older, some younger. He can get a girl his own age, and OLDER, so there's nothing wrong with him in that sense

Would this relationship be okay, or should someone do something? I feel like I should break them up, but it's hard, because it seems like there's no danger if he's not pressuring her for sex and if he's obviously right in the head and can get a girl his own age! Someone, help please!

Answer on 16-year old with 23-year old?

If they do anything sexual at all, it is illegal.