Friday, March 6, 2009

I don't know how to help my sister?

this is part of the letter she wrote me:

But the rest of him? I love him, all of him, how can I leave him like this? He is an honest person, and so unselfish, this is a part of his culture and the way he was brought up. We get on so well, and have never had a fight. I mean, there are things we disagree on, but we talk about them. I love the way I feel when I'm with him, like I'm the most special person in the world. He tells me about his life before now (you have no idea about the hardships he has suffered, his life is so different to mine. I will tell you more about this latter, when I come home if you want to know). I have met his favourite brother, and his family, who are lovely. We tell eachtother everything, he is my best friend. I don't know what to do Sophie. I love him, all I want is to be with him, but how can I?? This is so unfair. I am sorry, I know you son't want to hear about this because I am "sappy" or whatever, but I don't know who else to talk to. I know that you can't help, but just saying it helps.

Her Boyfriend is an illegal immigrant, living in Italy, she just did a year exchange but had to leave him and come back home. How can i help her? she needs to finish her education... can you give me your views on what you would do if this was you?

Answer on I don't know how to help my sister?

Ahhhh- he wants residence! And she is is ticket! (he must be very desperate as he either played her or he really loves her)
Tell her he will love her more for standing up for herself and what she believes in (education), rather than being obsessed with him and his life. She should not change herself for anyone!
Years from now, if she doent do her education she will regret it. He will have been the person whom turned her path upside down. Tell her its ok to be selfish with her education. Tell her to think ahead- how will she support her and her kids her family, as every job these days needs an education .
She will fall back, and end up on the streets even. Life is challanging and she must be strong, for him and her. For their future if they will saty together.
If you focus on putting him down, she will end up sticking up for him, and end up not liking you. Support her in her education, just listen and dont say too much when she speaks of him.
Hopefully she will get it.
I had a sis who was the same. I just told her it will make all the difference of a $10 an hour job to a $40 an hour job. Your paid on education and experience, not experience (my sis values her shoes and clothes). I said imagine the lifestyle difference. What will you do if he leaves you? You need a plan B. Do your papers!
It worked. She has a degree in hospitality and says your the best sis!