Friday, August 15, 2008

I hate everyone! I hate myself!?

I hate the way I look. I feel so fat and ugly all the time. I have low self-esteem. I feel useless, stupid, worthless, depress and suicidal all the time because of this. I hate my parents for not having any clue that feel this way. I had anorexia and they didn't even know it! And know I want ana back. I want her back because when I had her they paid attention to me but now that I'm fat they treat me like I'm nothing. I hate my mom especially because she cheated on my dad and my dad still doesn't know anything. And I just found out that she stole some of my diet pills! She's also a verbal abuser. I hate my dad for physically abusing me when I was younger and for making me feel stupid, naive, gullible and hypocrite for attending church all the time. I think my parents abusive attitude made a big impact now that I'm 18. I hate my siblings because all they care about are themselves. I hate my high school friends because they're all shallow. I hate my friends in church because I know sooner or later they'll hate me also for not being who they thought I am.

I want to change. I'm tired of feeling horrible and empty all the time. I'm tired of getting hurt. I need help. I want to see a psychiatrist but I don't how or for what. I think I have mental disorder beside anorexia but I'm not sure what. I guess my question is does anyone of you have any idea what problem I'm dealing with?

Answer on I hate everyone! I hate myself!?

first I would say forget the word hate, and then of course erase it from your feelings. being focused on a negative takes your eyes,mind, and heart away from the areas you can make positive changes. when one has encountered as many challenges as you have, it is important to tackle the problems individually not look at all of it. it is too overwhelming, making it easier to just give up.