Saturday, April 17, 2004

What chance does my husband have getting full custody of his daughter?

We have been married for 2 yrs, dating for 1 before we got married. We also have a 1yr old son together. Hubby makes decent money and I work as well. My stepdaughter's mom is jobless, car-less, homeless (lives house 2 house), and on welfare. She doesn't see anything wrong with her lifestyle. We recently ran into a MAJOR conflict. Throughout my entire marriage, she's tried to make everything about her. NOT the child (we'll call the child "X"). She won't let "X" come over if she and my husband have a disagreement. **A disagreement is anything from asking her to take "X" to the Dr for a follow-up, to asking if "X" can stay with us to go to school. A simple no would clearly do it, but she takes it into an EXTREME level that it doesn't have to go to.

There have been times where she'll leave "X" with us for over a months time and not even call to check on her. Then, we'll take her back to her mom and she'll make up something to be mad about and she'll try to put my husband on some "guilt trip" for marrying me and not her and how she got stuck with some kid and can't live her life, then he says LIVE YOUR LIFE I WANT HER TO LIVE WITH ME. Then, she says you are not taking MY child. You are not on her BIRTH CERTIFICATE therefore you are NOT HER FATHER. After that, she ignored hubbys calls--but of course posted stuff all over her facebook and twitter calling us all these different things. But no one said anything to her about it. Honestly, we don't care about her mom just concerned about "X". He always makes sure "X" has what she needs and even gave her mom money. (He stopped after June when she picked "X" up and called him a bad father because he didn't like the way she was living and said he didn't want "X" living like that.) He has insurance on her and keeps her updated with shots/physicals and takes her when shes sick. I took her to get her shots when she was 2 and she had to get 6 b/c she was so behind!! She only got 3 and Dad had to take her back the next day to get the other 3.

*Mom's Background*
Her mom kicked her out when she found out she was pregnant. She then lived with her dad. They put her out shortly after. Then, she moved with my hubby's family (who took her in not even knowing her). She didn't work, go to school- nothing. When the baby was born, she stayed there. From what I was told, she didn't feed "X" and she was underweight and had low iron. She didn't keep up with appointments and my husband and mother in law bought her everything that she needed. My husband was away at school and he even sent this girl money since she wasn't working (and they weren't even together at this time). She threatened to kill herself and "X" when she found out he was dating me. (I didn't know this at the time--he just told me he couldn't take me out there b/c he didn't want to be disrespectful to her). After "X" was 16mos they left and went to go live with her mom, when she realized nothing was happening w/hubby. Two mos later, hubby moved back home and 5 mos later we got married. At this point, she was highly upset and this is where the madness started (that i know of). Its been that way every since. She lived with her mom for about 10mos, then with a b/f for about 2mos until he got locked up, then with her dad for about 9 mos then he got her an apt cuz his wife didn't want them there. She got evicted from there only after a few months and has been living with her new b/f in his cousin's house since and "X" sleeps on the floor. Now she's pregnant on top of that.

Recently, "X" came to stay with us and she was acting VERY clingy to me. In fact, she normally calls me "Mama" but was calling me "Mommy." I found it to be strange because she never calls me mommy. I didn't think nothing of it tho. After about a week, she told us she didn't want to go back to her mommy's house. When asked why? She said "mommy said her don't want me anymore." She started crying and immediately i knew something was wrong. I asked her what happened, in a nutshell, her mom slammed her on the ground and slapped her b/c she told her she wanted to go to her dad's house. She also said her mom's b/f hit her with a belt, then threw her in the closet with the light off. Her mommy came and got her and started hitting her because she was crying. My stepdaughter is 3 years old and not very advanced. She doesn't know how to make up a story like that and tell it more than once. We called DCF and the lady came over and interviewed her. Then she went over to where the mom lives and i don't know what happened from there. Her dad came and picked up our daughter and took her back to her mom after that. She said we'll never see "X&q

Answer on What chance does my husband have getting full custody of his daughter?

God I could have written this 4 years ago! I totally feel your pain, we didn't go the DCF route we actually went the court route. In Georgia you have to do what is called legitimation which basically means a paternity test and only then are you allowed visitation and custody. The bio-mom in our case sounds SOOOO much like your case. She isn't on drugs, she doesn't hit her kids, but it's like she doesn't care! her children are her money train and obligation, not kids to be loved and cherished. But she had my now husband, convinced that because he had a criminal record he would never be awarded visitation so he should just shut up and be happy that she allowed my step son to come to us for months at a time, and be happy that she only charged us $300 a month in non court ordered child support...she had him SO convinced that if we went to court he would see the kid so much less.

I got tired of seeing my husband bent over every other week and taking it so i hired a lawyer! That was 3.5 years ago. Since then, to make a long story short, my husband got primary custody, the mom got every other weekend. Then this past year her other 2 kids got removed by the state for her not sending them to school or keeping up with their shots, and those 2 kids live with their dad now, and we were succesful in getting her on supervised visitation only, so she sees my step son for 4 hours every other saturday, supervised by me at a bowling alley! She is 18 months behind on her child support, and can't show up on time to her own visitation whcih means she spends months without seeing the child STILL!

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