Saturday, October 10, 1998

Can someone please check my Contrast/Comparison Essay for grammar comma and fused sentences mistakes?

I know I ask a lot, but 10pts if you can help me out...

Musically Lady Gaga and Marilyn Manson may have nothing in common, but controversy seems to be a part of their persona onstage and off. They are both phases in the music scene spanning just over a decade apart. They both utilize the same means of delivery when it comes to their message, which is nothing more than shock value.
Marilyn Manson is a better artist for many reasons; stronger fan base, live performances, and interesting theatrics.

A great deal of art has come from both Lady Gaga and Marilyn Manson. Although, it seems Ms. Gaga may be limited to her musical talents. While Mr. Manson prospers in other areas. In addition to being a musician Manson also works with water colors. Much of what he paints tends to be macabre; still he has sold many paintings to
enthusiastic buyers. In the past, Manson’s paintings have received much praise from fans; but he has also gotten his share of scorn from critics who did not share the same enthusiasm for the artist‘s work.
Lady Gaga’s fan base is centered more on the young; specifically teenage girls who look to her as a role model. She is also popular in the gay community and is always vocal when it comes to lending her support for gay causes. This is expressed in some of her songs such as “Born this way” which she performed live at the 2011
Grammys. On the other hand Marilyn Manson’s fan base was geared more to the Goth music scene which was taking place around the same time period as the Grunge era. Manson’s fans could usually be picked out of a crowd by the way they were dressed. Both males and females could be spotted wearing all black accompanied by black eyeliner,
fingernail polish, and lipstick. This struck a nerve with many worried parents, who feared the negative influence Mr. Manson’s music might have on their children. Through his rebellious lyrics and charismatic antics he created a near cult like following. Those who were fans of his music and also dressed in a Gothic style were referred to as ansonites.”
The stage presence is undeniable with both artists and their performances are always over the top. With Gaga’s sex appeal she frequently appears onstage scantly clad or wearing a wardrobe that can only be found in the meat isle of your local grocery store. As she did at the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards. It was supposed to be an attempt to
express her personal freedom; instead she angered many animal rights activists who felt she could have expressed it in a different way. however, it is not just her eccentric appearance and behavior that rouses controversy; she is at times blasphemous. For example, the video “Alejandro” received a large negative reaction because of the anti
Catholic imagery throughout the video. She also caught some grief on Twitter from pop star peers such as Katy Perry saying, “Using blasphemy as entertainment is as cheap as a comedian telling a fart joke.” (13)
Lady Gaga still pails in comparison to Marilyn Manson’s theatrics when it comes to blasphemy. Most of his subject matter deals with religion and it is reflected negatively throughout most of his music videos; which are very dark and arguably Satanic. At the close of the twentieth century as he portrayed someone who could be himself and
believe the way he wanted regardless of any opposition. He was quickly adopted by the misfits and outcasts as a new found savior. This new messiah to the underdog took shock rock to a whole new level when it came to choreography and imagery. Often using props such as stilts, dental equipment, and at times bodily fluids when he mimicked
rocker, Iggy Pop, and cut himself onstage with broken glass. It is not surprising that living such an eccentric lifestyle has spurred many rumors about both artists. For example it has at one time been rumored that Ms. Gaga is a man in drag. It has even been suggested that
she is in fact Marilyn Manson himself. Again Lady Gaga has seen nothing close to the amount of colorful rumors that have been circulated about Manson. Early in his career his sexuality was repeatedly called into question and there were reports of him sacrificing animals onstage. The most comical and disturbing rumor to surface was that he had his two bottom ribs removed for reasons pertaining to autoeroticism.
Gaga and Manson both seem to live very entertaining and overly eccentric lifestyles that they market very well to their fans in the form of musical and visual art. Their live performances are often referred to as being over the top and they keep pushing the envelope in regards to what their audience can handle. Although Lady Gaga is very
entertaining, in the way she attracts the modern pop scene and the gay community. It is clear that Marilyn Manson who was worshipped by the underdogs in the Goth scene; has suffered a great deal more for his art. And it has been said that there is no art without pain.

Answer on Can someone please check my Contrast/Comparison Essay for grammar comma and fused sentences mistakes?

Comma after Musically (first word of first paragraph).

In these two sentences: Although, it seems Ms. Gaga may be limited to her musical talents. While Mr. Manson prospers in other areas. (The second sentence is not a real sentence, you need to combine the two like: While it seems Ms. Gaga may be limited to her musical talents, Mr. Manson prospers in other areas.)

Comma after the word musician in this sentence: In addition to being a musician(,) Manson also works with water colors.

Comma after the way, inside the quote marks in: This is expressed in some of her songs such as “Born this way(,)” which she performed live at the 2011...

Comma after hand in: On the other hand(,) Marilyn Manson’s fan base was geared...

Comma after antics: Through his rebellious lyrics and charismatic antics(,) he created a near cult like following.


Put opening quotes on the word ansonites, you only put em at the end: Those who were fans of his music and also dressed in a Gothic style were referred to as ansonites.”

Comma after clad. And comma after store and combine "as she did at the movie awards" because it is not a sentence by itself in: With Gaga’s sex appeal she frequently appears onstage scantly clad or wearing a wardrobe that can only be found in the meat isle of your local grocery store. As she did at the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards. It was supposed to be an attempt to ....

Take out the word "as" in: At the close of the twentieth century as he portrayed someone who could be himself and believe the way he wanted regardless of any opposition.

Re-write this sentence: It is clear that Marilyn Manson who was worshipped by the underdogs in the Goth scene; has suffered a great deal more for his art. And it has been said that there is no art without pain.

^^^Make it say: It is clear that Marilyn Manson, who was worshipped by the underdogs in the Goth scene, has suffered a great deal more for his art. It has been said that there is no art without pain.

did the best i could with very limited time!